Bingley Bites Back
by AliasKelly
Summary: I wrote this in response to the March/April 2017 writing prompt "The Best Set-Down" in AHA's "The Playground" forum. It is bit of OOC fun, which I hope you will enjoy.


**Bingley Bites Back**

 _"Come, Darcy," said he, "I must have you dance. I hate to see you standing about by yourself in this stupid manner. You had much better dance."_

 _"I certainly shall not. You know how I detest it, unless I am particularly acquainted with my partner. At such an assembly as this it would be insupportable. Your sisters are engaged, and there is not another woman in the room whom it would not be a punishment to me to stand up with."_

 _"I would not be so fastidious as you are," cried Mr. Bingley, "for a kingdom! Upon my honour, I never met with so many pleasant girls in my life as I have this evening; and there are several of them you see uncommonly pretty."_

 _"You are dancing with the only handsome girl in the room," said Mr. Darcy, looking at the eldest Miss Bennet._

 _"Oh! She is the most beautiful creature I ever beheld! But there is one of her sisters sitting down just behind you, who is very pretty, and I dare say very agreeable. Do let me ask my partner to introduce you."_

 _"Which do you mean?" and turning round he looked for a moment at Elizabeth, till catching her eye, he withdrew his own and coldly said: "She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me; I am in no humour at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men. You had better return to your partner and enjoy her smiles, for you are wasting your time with me."_

Elizabeth (unavoidably hearing their exchange) blushed in mortification, bowing her head and blinking furiously to stem the tears that came to her eyes. She focused her attention on her breathing, staring at her hands in her lap, in an attempt to combat her distress and confusion.

Bingley looked for a moment as though he had been slapped and his acute embarrassment doubled when a glance at Elizabeth revealed that she had been witness to the entire conversation and suffered for it.

Bingley's was a kind and gentle soul - he shied away from conflict of any sort - but he could still be provoked to anger and to show a sterner side to himself, and his friend's ill-mannered speech coupled with the obvious distress of the lady brought that side to the fore.

Bingley stepped nearer to Darcy and drew himself up stiffly, speaking in a lowered voice, "I do beg your pardon, _sir_ , I believe I mistook you for _my friend._ If you happen to see _my friend_ please tell him that my carriage is at his disposal to return him to Netherfield at his convenience. I fear the atmosphere here tonight disagrees with him, rendering him incapable of exercising common civility."

With that Bingley turned on his heel to leave and it was Darcy's turn to feel as though _he_ had been slapped. He quickly caught up to his friend and reached out a hand to Bingley's sleeve.

"Bingley, please, I am-"

Bingley jerked his arm away, "No!" he hissed, "I do not care to hear you! I would like to make a good impression here and you seem determined to undermine my efforts - I honestly do not know why you even came. Do you find some perverse satisfaction in striding about the room looking down your nose at the rest of us? Now excuse me; I must 'return to my partner and enjoy her smiles'," he mimicked, "If you want absolution 'you are wasting your time with me'; the lady I sought to introduce you to - Miss Elizabeth Bennet - heard your unconscionable remarks; perhaps _she_ would be interested in hearing you explain yourself."

Darcy's eyes widened in dismay and he looked around to see that Elizabeth did indeed look conscious, gazing at her hands in her lap with a flushed look to her cheek. He turned back to Bingley, but Bingley was gone. At somewhat of a loss he looked at Elizabeth again and genuinely saw her for the first time: young, attractive, and clearly pained by his dismissive words. He then thought of his sister - she was never far from his thoughts these days - how would it be in a few years when she began attending balls and assemblies? How would it be if she were the one sitting there now, in Elizabeth Bennet's place?

The more Darcy thought about it, the more chagrined he felt. With determination he walked back to Elizabeth's corner and sat in the seat beside her, watching the dancers while she looked away.

"You must think me an utter cad," He finally said.

She was silent for several moments, the color rising in her cheeks again, before she peeked at him and looked away once more.

"Cad," she said, as though tasting the word, "Caddish... I had not thought of that - I was going to go with 'conceited' but 'caddish' could work..."

"As a descriptor for me, I presume?"

Elizabeth nodded and looked away again.

"And did you come up with any others?"

"Yes," she blushed, then smiled sweetly, raising her chin to look him in the eyes, "Arrogant, boorish, conceited, disagreeable, egotistic, fastidious - Mr. Bingley supplied that one, but I think finicky might be better - I was working on 'G' when you sat down."

"I see," Darcy smiled sadly, "Perhaps I can be of assistance: 'grieved'.

She merely looked at him, questioning.

"I am grieved that my poor behaviour has inspired you to make such a list. I hope that you will accept my apology - I have been unhappy lately, but that is a poor excuse for my incivility - will you forgive my rudeness and honour me with the next dance?"

Elizabeth smiled at him, then grimaced, "I gladly accept your apology, sir, but I do not believe I am inclined to dance."

"Oh," Darcy replied, a light blush staining his cheeks, "Is it that you are not inclined to dance, in general, or that you are not inclined to dance with me, particularly?"

"With you," She replied, "But not for the reasons you are supposing. I know that you do not really want to dance with me and only asked out of politeness - I would not wish to impose on you."

Darcy was becoming more and more intrigued by this young lady who, once he had roused himself to notice her, he was finding to be quite pretty and rather sweet, despite that descriptive list.

"And if I told you that I was not asking merely to be polite?' He asked softly, "That I truly would like to dance with you?"

"At such an assembly as this? Mr. Darcy, we are not particularly acquainted, it would be insupportable!" She gave him an arch look and a playful laugh but he could tell she was still uncertain, "Besides, we never were properly introduced."

"If you do not tell anyone, Miss Bennet, neither will I," He stood and held out his hand to her, smiling encouragingly, "Come, there is still some time before the next set, allow me get you some punch."

She hesitated for only a moment more, then smiled back and took his hand.

* * *

 _Four months later_

Darcy lay back in bed, eyes closed, his new wife wrapped in his arms.

"You must think me a beast," He finally said.

Elizabeth absently stroked her fingertips up and down his arm.

"Beast," she said, savouring the word, "Beastly... I had not thought of that - I was going to go with 'beloved' but if you prefer 'beastly'..."

"Are you thinking of descriptors for me again?" He felt her nod against his chest and he grinned, "And did you come up with any others?"

"Yes," she rose up onto her elbows to look him in the eyes, "Adorable, beloved, captivating, delightful, egotistic, f-"

"Stop," Darcy interrupted, "Just why is 'egotistic' still on the list?"

"Oh, I might have used 'enthralling' or some such," She said playfully, "But since you never let me recite as far as 'V' for 'vain' I kept 'egotistic' this time."

"Impudent woman," he chuckled, "I love you, Elizabeth."

"I love you too, Fitzwilliam."

~Finis~

* * *

I hope you enjoyed this story - your reviews are welcome.

-Kelly


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